the hillbilly ragger: December 2005

No more holiday ragging

until next year. 'later.

Re-thinking that "Pink Tutu" label for Bill Shipp

because I couldn't have put it any plainer and righter than he did today

(Ruder, yes.)

A Fox cable-television guy wrote a book called "The War on Christmas," and this whole fuss is rooted in peddling his book before time runs out on Sunday. After that fateful day, "The War on Christmas" will probably sell for about a quarter on the remaindered table.

Bless you, Bill, for not mentioning John "Five in the Noggin" Gibson, Fox fascist blowhard, by name, but instead dissing him as a mere "cable-television guy."

Bad enough to stumble upon Harpy Grace

whilst trying to find something to kill a few minutes' worth of time--last night I had to listen to Harpy yelling at the Rag's Andria Simmons, who had just filed this story about Dentist Gone Wild! Barton Corbin.

Harpy had just "learned" from Andria that the prosecuter was not going to seek the death penalty. Being the bloodthirsty, grandstanding cretin that she is, Harpy screamed "WHAAA NAWT???"

You kinda had to see it/be there. I've no link to video, nor do I really want to have it. To Andria's credit, she just smiled and tried to answer the question, not that Harpy was interested in hearing it.

Rob Jenkins, the Rag's whiny titty-baby

He just hates it when them libruhls wanna git all inclusive 'n stuff.

It just wouldn’t be the Christmas season if ...

The ACLU wasn’t suing a municipal government somewhere in America over a courthouse-lawn nativity scene.

--

My elementary school-age children hadn’t just celebrated the “holidays” with a “winter party” featuring multicultural snowpeople.

--

if I wasn’t wondering whom I might have just offended by using the word “Christmas.”

Duh greatest healthcare in duh world!

Another one of those "if I read between the lines, I'll have to assume..." stories.

Health officials have penned a grant seeking funding to bring a federally qualified health center to Norcross, an area deemed medically underserved.

As opposed to a clinic that focuses on sickness prevention, this center would be a primary care facility concentrating on patients once they are sick.

I'll have to assume the GDP's staff are happy it's in Norcross and not, say, closer to their own neighborhood.

I'll have to assume we can look forward to more stories about the progress of this project without ever hearing a peep about why health centers like these are becoming necessary.

And heaven forfend that the GDP might look under the hood and shed some light on why the richest country on earth can't provide healthcare coverage to all of its citizens.

What the world needs now is another anti-O'Reilly rant

not really. I think the entire left blogosphere is probably giving the old perv more attention than he deserves. And since you would be better off going to Media Matters to keep regular tabs on Falafel Boy than bothering with my crappy little blog, I'll keep it short.

But in today's column, carried OF COOOUUUURSE by the Hillbilly Rag, I can't let this howler go unmentioned:

No matter how you feel about the Iraq war, we should admire Lieberman for sticking up for what he believes.

Aside from the absurdity of requiring admiration for Joementum for remaining foolishly consistent, who the hell is a loudmouthed prick like Dild O'Reilly to begin a sentence with "no matter how you feel about the Iraq war"? when has Dild ever allowed for even the appearance of dissent against Dear Leader's vanity conflict, his bogus Warren Terra, in Loofah Boy's twisted world?

Ok, that's my quota of gratuitous O'Liely shots for the month. Last one this year, promise.

The staff subversive

Maybe I shouldn't come out and say it, being that a) who knows if anyone in a position to do anything at the Hillbilly Rag will ever happen upon this blog entry, and b) who cares, period? but:

Lisa McLeod is the closest thing to a subversive element, as far as I can detect, writing for the rag. Earlier this year she managed to publish a column advocating a Department of Peace, which must have been roughly akin to getting the American Legion to book Jane Fonda as a keynote speaker.

Less spectacularly, though, week in and out, her column (consigned to the wretchedly-titled "lifestyles" section) and the sane opinions expressed therein is a lone beacon visible in an ocean of thuggish wingnuttery.

Doesn't someone need to have a "little talk" with this man?

Oy vey. Emphasis mine; this guy has Lost. It.

Though true abstinence-only programs have been effective in altering sexual behavior, the so-called “sex education” programs in government schools do more to promote sex than prevent it, giving lip service to chastity while spending most of the class time teaching kids how to use condoms.

If parents care enough about their children to want to do more than fret about such things, they are going to have to radically alter their approach to child rearing.

Step one is to pull them from the government schools that serve as hothouses for this kind of behavior and thinking. Step two is to reduce lavish lifestyles so that parents work less and invest more time in their children, with one parent actually staying home to make the home a safe haven. Step three is no television in the home. Television has become hostile to the things most parents want their children to believe and embrace. It is deadly to their moral development; it encourages disrespect for fathers and undermines those things that used to make families a strong, positive cultural force.

And none a' them horseless carriages neither! They's the work of the Devil!

Just how religious-nutty is the hillbilly rag?

So nutty that they printed this letter. And no, there's nothing especially unusual about the LTE in today's paper save for one thing--our designated fundamentalist defender o' XXXmas, Carolyn Buckner, is replying to a previously published LTE that ran on November 18.

November 18. As in, twenty-eight days ago. The week before Thanksgiving. That's how important it is for the Gwinnett Daily Post to keep the hatred alive. And yeah, it is hatred; on the ground, amongst ordinary people, this whiny, ginned up complaint about a "war on Christmas" serves to accomplish nothing, absolutely nothing, but ill will toward men. You couldn't be any less Christ-like if you were trying.

My favorite bit of logic from Ms. Buckner (she'll probably take offense to me calling her "Ms.," which is precisely why I do it--yeah, pettiness is a two way street, buster!):

the Bible claims Jesus to be God, so all religions are not the same and they all do not promote love and good wishes.

Got that? if you don't worship Jesus as a god, then you are incapable of promoting love and good wishes.

If that's not religious bigotry what, pray tell, is?

They loves them some bald Nazis

In this case, a bald Nazi named D.A. King who cranks up his "keep out them Messicans" rhetoric in today's rag.

I won't bother quoting from it, you've heard it all thousands of times before. But in case you collect hate site urls, here's his.

Maybe I'm just anally PC

But the photo accompanying the front-pager about "affordable housing" bugged me.

It's a good bit of reporting from Douglas Sams, and I suspect most GDP readers had never stopped to contemplate how literally impossible it is for a minimum-wage worker to afford to rent most any one-bedroom apartment in this nation.

But about that photo--it depicts the dreaded "Townehomee" construction that terrifies so many a homeowners' association. It's as if the GDP couldn't possibly run a story about poverty without reinforcing the notions so many cling to, that only po' folks would ever want to live in, well, you know, shoulder-rubbing proximity to their fellow humans.

I don't know how Gwinnettians imagine they can continue to cram another 25,000 citizens into the county every year without going to denser housing. Also don't know how people can live their lives without having some clue of how the rest of the world lives theirs.

John Linder is a LIAR

Alas, the hillbilly rag's token pink-tutu Democrat Bill Shipp wouldn't ever get a cool, and utterly accurate, headline like that for one of his oh-so-carefully-calculated-not-to-offend editorial pieces, but if you're willing to read the thing it's there in black and white.

Linder delivered the above declaration early in 1993 shortly after he was sworn in to his first term as a Georgia congressman. A few weeks earlier, he told the USA Today newspaper, "I will come home after 12 years."

Now the consummate Washington insider, Linder is completing his seventh term in the House and preparing to run next year for an eighth term. He doesn't discuss term limits now. Such talk seems so nineties-ish. Term limits were a big item on House Speaker Newt Gingrich's Contract with America in 1994.

Ah, this would be such a fine, fine smackdown if only Bill had taken this to its logical conclusion and explained why the voters would be nuts to continue re-electing representatives from Party of Newt who unabashadly lie like a cheap rug. But, well, we mustn't appear shrill. Or partisan, for goodness sake.

Bigotry: it's all about Pride!

Just when I was starting to get something approaching warm and fuzzy upon reading not just one but two sensible editorials in today's rag that weren't utterly batshit-insane in their "defense of Christmas"--including one from a most subdued Cal Thomas--along comes an incredibly vile reprint from Rome, GA's News-Tribune.

Georgia Republican congressional delegation is to be commended for seeking to scrap Section 5 of the Voting Rights Act, which must be renewed by 2007.

As the area’s congressman, Phil Gingrey, R-Marietta, correctly put it: ‘‘You don’t have much of a snowball’s chance in hell of winning. You still feel like it’s the right thing to do, so you strap on your helmet, go out there, and if you fail, you walk away with your pride.’’

Yeah, it's a thankless job, keepin' our dark-skinned folks down and in a world of shit, but someone's gotta do it! Christ on a cracker...

Front page story not especially dreadful

Dave Williams' "Immigrant bill tough but flexible" threatened to be the typical kiss-ass Republican talking point monstrosity we've come to know and love in the GDP but--shockers!--the article actually included what sounded like something kinda sorta like criticism from a GALEO spokesguy, Jerry Gonzalez, but you had to get past the puffery to get to it.

Of course, no quotes from actual Congresscritters with "Ds" beside their names, who are in a position to actually oppose the legislation. Can't have that.

What do these people imagine the ACLU to be?

I literally cannot pick up a copy of the GDP without the American Civil Liberties Union being angrily denounced or, at minimum, demonized at least in passing.

Yesterday, Dick Yarbrough couldn't manage to complete his upbeat, rah-rah column without taking a passing shot:

Whoa! Ask and you will receive. A few weeks ago, I suggested you might want to write the men and women of Georgia’s 48th Brigade Combat Team in Iraq during the holiday season and thank them for their sacrifices. Your response has been overwhelming. The troops are going to get a lot of mail because of you.

I have heard from individuals, civic clubs, churches, schools, hospitals, business groups and even a group of jail inmates, all pledging to send as many cards and letters as possible to let their fellow Georgians know that they are appreciated and offering prayers for their safe return.
More individuals have written than I have the space to list, although one of my favorites came from Allan Hytowitz, a self-styled “Jewish kid” from Alpharetta. He has sent members of Charlie Company, 1/121st Infantry out of Gainesville, a six-and-a-half-foot Christmas tree, complete with decorations. Allan says now he is no longer a “Christmas tree virgin.” Don’t let the ACLU know, Allan. That kind of stuff just confuses them.

Yes, I know Dick is "just kidding." I especially liked how he felt compelled to describe Mr. Hytowitz; them's funnies too, Dick!

But seriously, just how much juice does your typical GDP reader imagine the ACLU has, anyway?

Maybe it's a regional thing

but I cannot for the life of me understand the ongoing newsworthiness of a gas station's sensible anti-theft measures.

This is hardly the first time the GDP has covered this as earth-shaking news, and I thought it was weird then, and I still think it's wierd that anyone even pays cash for gasoline purchases any more. What is up with that? Who takes the time and trouble to walk in to pay for a fill up these days?

Of course they covered the circus

after all, some chick dressed as Queen Liz showed up.

But you had to go to the jump and read the very end to get the real story from last night's GC Bored o' Eddication meeting:

The board voted unanimously to renew Wilbanks’ superintendent contract for another two years, extending it until June 30, 2008.
He will receive a base salary of $228,375, a 4.4 percent cost-of-living increase equal to the average increase for teachers. He will also receive a 7.5 percent increase in his current expense allowance, and an 8 percent increase in his current transportation allowance.
With health benefits and other expenses, his total compensation package will be based on an annual salary of $276,422 from Jan. 1, 2006 until June 30, 2006.

Per usual, the marginally competent hands at the AJC managed to lead with the bleedin' obvious.

Not above, below, or anywhere near the fold today

nor anywhere else in the rag, is a friendly reminder that there's a Gwinnett County Board of Ed meeting tonight that should be especially entertaining, given that supporters of the pushed-out-the-door-for-showing-an-R rated movie to seniors teacher, Ed Youngblood, are planning to raise hell.

Nice. As any "kindygartner" could tell you, it's but another lovely example of the hillbilly rag's collective tongue placed firmly up J. Alvin Wilbanks' backside. Fortunately, the AJC's Gwinnett Section found this to be front page news.

Below the fold today

Duking it out are the taser-death civil suit and some nusisance legislation that--I kiddeth you not--ensures one's first Amendment rights to say Merry Christmas.

They're just gonna milk this one for all it's worth, aren't they?

I don't want to fall back on the typically idiotic LTEs seen in the hillbilly rag, but this graf was astonishing in its utter ignorance of history. It comes to us courtesy of Emily "Litella" Kroemer, drinkin' the Dacula Kool-Aid:

Christopher Columbus, the man who originally discovered this great country,

Did you know that he discovered the USA? Hey, it's here in the paper!

kept a log of his reasons for searching for undiscovered land. One of his reasons is said to be to “bring the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the heathens.”

"And if that didn't work, well, there's always the smallpox blankies..."

What right do we have as citizens of the country to try to destroy the original basis of the discovery of America? None.

um, that was my head exploding. Sorry.

But as long as there are those people who have nothing better to do than nitpick details and whine about what they think is politically incorrect, someone will be there to comfort them and aid them in their fight for “fair treatment.”

Per usual, no actual cites for the alleged "whining."

thanks again, Dild O'Reilly. And John "Five in the noggin" Gibson.

What got me here

There's a bare-bones VOY-based forum, hosted by a group wot calls itself Concerned Parents of Georgia that I've been in and out of for most of my time here as a Yankee transplant. When it's not overrun by troll (yes, singular) it can be a hella lotta fun. And it's probably got as much to do with me deciding to start this silly blog as anything else.

Anyway, my first few months as a Georgian I didn't really care about local issues, and hence I never really looked at the GDP much prior to pitching it into the recycle bin. Then I learned that an elementary school was about to be built between two landfills, one of them still actively adding Georgia's junk.

Next door. To an elementary school.

Suddenly, I didn't just care, I had to care; my kid was being redistricted into this new elementary school. I was hungry for something, anything covering local stuff.

So I started posting inquiries to that forum. And I started actually reading the news stories in the Gwinnett Daily Post. Sometimes they'd cover something that didn't appear in the AJC.

And to be fair, sometimes they do a bit of half-way decent reporting on a local story. But it's mostly the same kind of kiss-ass, go along to get along garbage that infests (in an inadvertantly entertaining fashion) their editorial pages, and most of their regular columnists.

What the GDP could be

Ok, I'm too fried to think about such lofty things, but in time I will have something besides ragging in here. I will pledge here and now to publish actual suggestions for improvement, real-live constructive criticism, and not just shoot fish in a barrel.

The syndicated columnists

It's hard to say which of the GDP's stable of right-wing stooges is most offensive. But today's piece by Cal Thomas, singing the praises of American propaganda, surely puts him in the running.

They's declaring war on JesusMas!

Not one, not two, but Three-count'em-THREE LTEs in the GDP about how those no good secular humanisticals are killing Christmas.

Angela Arce from Duluth gives us:

We have allowed our country to be watered down to the point where we do not stand for anything. I am a Christian and I am happy to acknowledge Kwanzaa and Hanukkah along with my friends and neighbors. I am taught through the word of God to love everyone and not to judge. I am leaving the judging part up to God; he's much more qualified than me.
If possible, I would like to know other stores who choose to banish the word Christmas. I'll be happy to take my money elsewhere.

Jane Vineyard, also from Duluth (someone slipping some nog into the water there?) gave us the barftacular:

Jesus is the reason for the season! If folks get offended, it is because they don't understand the true meaning of Christmas. To repeat the words from an old, old song that Gene Autry sang:
C is for the Christ child, born upon this day
H is for herald angels in the night
R is our Redeemer
I is Israel
S is for the stars that shone so bright
T is for three wise men, they who travel far
M is for the manger where he lay
A is all he stands for
S means Shepherds came ...
And that's why there's a Christmas Day.

And lastly, we have this two word review

Shit sandwitch.

er, I mean this, from the Bufordians Sue & Ross Skinner:

Don't take Christ out
Yes, too many retailers are taking Christ out of Christmas.

I can see how it took a collaborative effort to pen such a mighty, festive manifesto.

the hillbilly ragger

Thursday, December 22, 2005

No more holiday ragging

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Re-thinking that "Pink Tutu" label for Bill Shipp

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Bad enough to stumble upon Harpy Grace

Monday, December 19, 2005

Rob Jenkins, the Rag's whiny titty-baby

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Duh greatest healthcare in duh world!

Friday, December 16, 2005

What the world needs now is another anti-O'Reilly rant

Thursday, December 15, 2005

The staff subversive

Doesn't someone need to have a "little talk" with this man?

Just how religious-nutty is the hillbilly rag?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

They loves them some bald Nazis

Maybe I'm just anally PC

John Linder is a LIAR

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Bigotry: it's all about Pride!

Front page story not especially dreadful

Monday, December 12, 2005

What do these people imagine the ACLU to be?

Maybe it's a regional thing

Friday, December 09, 2005

Of course they covered the circus

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Not above, below, or anywhere near the fold today

Below the fold today

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

What got me here

What the GDP could be

The syndicated columnists

They's declaring war on JesusMas!

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